ohh my..today is only wed. and I'm competely exhausted by this week already! Thankfully there's only one more day left in my school week and then I have a three day weekend with the family :) There's lots of fun Christmas themed things going on this weekend, so I fully plan to spend lots of quality time with them :)

School is going really well. The first week got off to a rough start. I came in every day and played on my computer and didn't do anything. Now I'm really starting to do student services and I'm also doing a lot of research and learning makeup and natural remidies. I'm trying to learn more about the basics of skin care, because I think that's important to understand the more complex parts of it. Unfortunately the hours I go to school are the hours people are working, so I don't get a lot of clients coming in. Today I did a brown and lash tinting which I was really excited about! I also have been doing basic facials, and I feel pretty confident about them. Tomorrow I'm going to focus more on deep pores. It feels really good to be learning and really apply myself to what I'm doing.

It's a little rough part which I know I just have to suck it up and learn to play the game..I can't stand how caddy and petty some girls are. There are a lot of girls that I absolutely love there..but there are some that just make me cringe. I guess it's all just how we were brought up and we all have different back grounds..and that's how it's going to be wherever I go..but it's really frustrating some days. Today was one of those days. Tim and I talk a lot about how we want to raise the kids and how we plan to deal with things financially..and it's annoying to hear people critize that. We have four kids all within three years..so to say that we are going to pay for thier college is unrealistic. I will however always provide housing and transportation and food ect..I don't want them to worry about that..just thier education. But then people are like how are you going to bring four kids into this world and not pay for thier college. I think that's rude. I love my kids and I will do anything for them. I will instill in them that thier education is very important...BUT you have to think realistically..and I won't be able to afford to send all of my kids to school on my dime. Anyways, it's a part of school that annoys me..but for the most part I look forward to going. I'm excited about learning new things every day..and I am making new friends which is awesome :)

Today was December fist and it was the first day it snowed! The kids were amazed! They ran to the door and they were chanting that it was snowing, and Makenna said, 'it's Christmas!' I love their little minds :) Last year the babies were too little last year to like the snow..but today ahhh I wish I could have caught thier expression on camera. Maddox was twrilling around with his hands in the air and just laughing and running through the snow and Mady was compeletely amazed. It's going to be a really fun winter with them. Last year when it snowed I put them in thier high chair and brought snow inside for them to play with..this year they'll be able to tromp through it..it's going to be a blast! They still really aren't talking, but they both were trying to say, 'snow' which sounded more like 'nooo' it was cute though :) It was still snowing tonight, so maybe when we wake up in the morning it will have stuck to the ground and I can see thier excitement again. They are really amazed with Christmas lights and they keep pointing to Santa statues and they get excited..I love it! I'm hoping this will be the best Christmas ever!

I just took a break from the blog to talk to Tim about the kids..and it just makes my heart melt talking about how amazing they are and how much we love them :) Makenna's school was teaching her about occupations and she said she wanted to be in the marching band like mommy when she grows up. Mikhail said he wants to be in construction like Daddy :) I love how they love us. They are really amazing little kids! Anyways..it's getting late and I have class again in the morning..so I'll write more tomorrow

I'm taking on another project :P This one more useful then the past of course. We were using the fourth bedroom in the basement to store stuff..and I've decided to start going through our boxes and getting rid of things we don't need and don't use. I'd like to turn that room into a play room for the big kids. Lately the big kids have been playing in thier room more and have been playing by themselves away from the babies. I don't want there to be a big speration between big kids and babies..but I understand the big kids are starting to like things that are just to big for the babies. For Christmas Mikhail asked for legos, which babies will just swallow and loose. Makenna wants a doll house and I just don't want the babies to wreck that. Plus the big kids are really into art and they need a place to be creative and hang thier art work with out the babies stealing thier stuff and loosing it all over the house. There's a really nice table downt there right now that they can use to do art on and I have storeage shelves for them already. The rest of the room will be really nice for Mikhail to do legos and and for Makenna's doll house we are going to get her for Christmas. I was also thinking it would be nice, if it's possible to put the tv down there for them to be able to play the wii on it. There's a lot more games for little kids on the wii then there is on Tim's xbox 360. Anyways, I had just taken a short break from cleaning and I'm going to get back to it..more later :P

Welp, I'm offically a Senior at school. Doesn't really mean the same thing as when you're a senior at a university..but it also doesn't cost as much ;) Today was my second day as a senior. It wasn't quiet as exciting as my first day. I was just at the table pretending to be busy...when I was really just being tired and lazy..and Ms. Nixon came by and told me I had my first facial. I'm not going to lie, I was scared to death. I litterally thought I might get sick. I completely forgot how to do anything. It was all ok though. My client was so nice. Even though I forgot a lot of stuff, I'm pretty sure I did well. She gave me a five dollar tip and most imprortantly she rebooked with me! Her rebooking with me in December was the biggest compliment. It was such a great expierence for working on my first person. I know there's still so much more for me to learn. I still have so many more first expierences at the spa school...and I know I'm going to be nervous for a while and I can't wait for the day when that passes and I just feel so confident doing services that there's no nervousness.

The only thing I really can't stand about the school is that you basically stop learning after juniors, and you don't learn enough in juniors to get you through. I feel like there's a lot of stuff I have to teach my self and learn on my own. When I go into school, we basically sit at a table and do nothing the whole time unless we choose to. But I have faith in my self that I will excel at this. I feel like I have the drive and the determination. It was definately a big compliment when my first client told me I was in the right feild of work and that I was good at it :)

I still don't know where our future is going to take us. I don't know what I'm going to do once I'm out of school. I'd really like to work in a spa. I'm definately thinking about interning and hopefully that will land me a job. I think the best way to learn is by watching and working. For so long I've only seen Tim and I's life in Gahanna..but I'm starting to see that eventually were are going to travel outside of this bubble and we are going to explore life outside of gahanna. I know this blog is taking a different turn..but that's kind of just how I write my blogs. But Gahanna is becoming everything I despise in towns. I can't wait to get out of here. This used to be a little town and it used to be personable. I feel like they have expanded so large. I don't want my kids growing up just being a number and a statistic in the school system. I want them to be a name and a person and I want a teacher to see the potential in them. I definately want the small town school and life experience for my family and I. I was talking to a girl in class today and she lived out in the country and we talked about the dirt bikes and four wheelers..and there's just a whole nother life to expierence outside of the city life and that's what I want to expierence.

I'm really stressed out tonight and need a little blog therapy before I go to bed. I had applied for Title 20 to help me out with daycare. It's $242 a week per kid..and since I have four kids..that's about 4 grand a month..insane. I don't know who can afford to pay that? I just feel like with out day care I'll never be able to work or go to school. Tim's job is so physically demanding, I can't expect him to take care of the kids as soon as he gets home so I can go work or go to school. I can't believe they waited to tell me I wasn't going to have daycare until like four days before my full time school schedule started :( I just feel like things are really hard right now. I had Mady and Max in a good routine at thier daycare. They really liked thier teachers and they had friends..and now they might now have a spot in daycare by the time I get everything approved. I just really want to get out of this rut that I'm in right now. It's so hard because I'm only 25 and I feel like the things I deal with and go through on a daily basis are things that people in their 40s deal with..not 25 year olds. I wouldn't trade my kids or my husband for anything..I just wish there weren't the struggles sometimes. I feel like I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnle I just want to see it sometime soon.

It's so hard to be a planner when plans always change. I always think things so far out and things just constantly change. I had planned on working more and going to school very part time. But works not giving out as many hours as I'd like..so I think I'm going to completely flip it. I'm going to go to school a lot and work a very little. I know Tim and I can use the money with me working..but it really would be nice to graduate in May. I'm a little worried about becoming a senior, because all the seniors do is bitch about how much they can't stand it. I guess I'll just try to soak up all the knowledge I can. I'm bound and determinded to be successful. I really think that there's been so many people against me..it just feuls me to be more and to do better. Some day I'm going to own my own spa. I know I can do whatever I want, I just have to do it. I'm excited to kind of buckle down and knock my school out!

Now that the kids are in daycare almost everyday...I try to make the most out of my time with them when they get home. I picked them up today and we went trick or treating at giant eagle..which was so cute! The kids just couldn't get over doing that in a grocery store. Mikhail and Makenna noticed there was a new bank at the store and when Mikhail saw Tim he told him there was a job for him at the bank :) I think it's so cute that they associate banks with Tim :) That's what he's done every since they were babies. After we went trick or treating we went and saw Tim for his dinner break. I really love that. I don't think Tim knows how much I enjoy going to see him on his break. But we just drove around while he ate and we talked about school and work and everything..we are such planners and it drives me crazy sometimes. But it's always good to have a plan :). After we dropped him back off at work we went home to eat and the babies got a bath. I had bought the big kids a bingo game today. I thought it would help them read numbers and letters. They loved it! We had so much fun playing and they did such a good job reading the numbers and letters..I was really proud of them..and it's really good family time :) We played until all three of us got a bingo. I really want to teach them to be good sports about winning and loosing.

Max and Mady are starting to talk a lot more! Max said 'Sissy' for the first time yesterday. His faveorite word right now is Bubba :) he also says, Mama, Dada, and I've heard him say drink but it sounds more like dink a could of times. Mady is trying to talk more too. She's says Buba well, and she says, 'Brrrr' when it's cold and 'uhoh' a lot. She's saying Mama and Dada too. She really likes B words though! It's amazing to hear all the things they are saying and they way thier little personalities are shining through.

I haven't fully adjusted into our new life style yet. I assume that will happen this week when I am scheduled almost every single day. I hope that it just eventually becomes second nature for me and I don't feel so tired all the time. Because right now I just always feel so exhausted. I don't think people understand what it feels like for me. I've been a stay at home mom for so long. I've not really had to answer to anyones schedule ever. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled brat, it's just really the way my day went. It started to change with Mikhail when I had to start being here for him to get off the bus. That really limited the things I could do with the kids during the day. But I love Mikhail going to school. He has so much fun with his friends. I got to see him interact with them at the Walk a Thon..and it was so cute. He knew so many kids and everyone was nice to everyone. I love this age right now when everyone is just friends and there's no judgements. But now I have to answer to my job and to school. I can't just do things with the kids when I want to. Some times I think about it and I start to panic. I feel like maybe they'll think I'm abandoning them at daycare. I know that's not how they think and I know they have lots of fun. I just miss being with them all day and I think I'm punishing my self by making myself feel bad about it. I know that I definately enjoy the time I do have with them a lot more. We definately make the most of it. Thursday I didn't have to work and Mikhail didn't have school and Tim didn't have to work until 5..so we took the kids to Blackhand Gorge. I used to go there with my family when I was little and it's amazing to be able to share that with my kids. It was absolutely beautiful. Tim and Mikhail got to go off on the tracks and have a blast. Makenna played in the leaves and the babies got to run around. It was a really perfect fall day! That's one of the good parts about having a day off when you work all the time..you really make the most of it. No lazy days anymore :) Madelyn and Maddox are actually trying to talk a lot more. Yesterday when we were at my dad's, she was saying, 'pap pap' and when you ask her what a pirate says, she says, 'argggg' Maddox is saying, 'Mama' and 'Dada' & 'Nana' a lot more. They are starting to make sounds and attempt to talk. I'm really proud of them. When I went to pick them up from the day care yesterday, Maddox was working on a collage with his friends. He was gluing fall leaf cut outs on a big piece of paper. I just really think daycare is a good thing for them. I think me going back to work it a really good thing for our family. It's just the first time I've ever really had a demanding job that I have to be there for a full shift almost every day. I'm not bieng a baby about it, it's just a lot of adjustment. I got promoted too :) I was just a reg sales assoc..but I'm in prestige now! I'm really excited about that. I'm trying so hard to make a good name for myself with the company and I really want to move up. I always think it's good to have goals, it keeps you striving for something more :) Anyways, I guess this was just some of the randomness on my mind..lol there seems to be a lot of that lately.

My life has changed so much I sort of don't recognize it! I've been a stay at home mom for so long, and in September I started school..which was a big thing for me. I go Tuesday and Thursday nights and Saturday all day. Tim's been so supportive of me and so have my parents. It feels nice for them to support me in doing something that I really want to do, even if it means more strain on them..because I really lean on them for help with the kdis. And then I applied for a job at Ulta. I got hired on as a sales associate, my goal is to be an esthetican with them when I finish with my school. Since I started a job, the kids have to go to day care during the day. That was a really big step for Tim and I. It's really hard to trust someone with our kids. It's sad for me to know someone else is loving on my kids and doing fun things with them..when that's my job. But I know that they are having a lot of fun and that day care is a really good thing for them. They have so much fun and they are happy to go! Everyday they go, I get a report from the teachers on the things they did and how they did during the day. I really love to read the papers and to just know that I'm doing the right thing for my kids. I know that I'm doing what's best for our family, and that makes me feel really good!