stress is no good

Some times...I just feel so blonde. lol I just spent the last 15 minutes trying to figure out why I couldn't move the mouse on my laptop. I never knew there was a mouse lock thingy on here..thanks twins. Oh and they turned my wifi off..so once I could get the mouse to move..I couldn't get on the internet. Good thing no one was watching..or that might have been an embarassing moment when I finally realized what was going on.

Ok so I know I post a lot of our happy things on here. And I don't want to seem like I'm fake or try to be perfect...because I know I'm not perfect. If you came to my house right now, it's a mess..and am I cleaning it? noooooo I'm typing a blog. I'm so stressed out at the moment I could really care a less. I can't remember the last time I felt this stressed out. I know it's all part of the kids growing up and blah blah blah..it's just hard to deal with sometimes..and I know it only gets worse. Gosh I remember the hell my brother and I used to put my mom through growing up..and man I feel so bad! Makenna thinks that she can get whatever she wants by crying as loud as she possibly can. Mikhail thinks it's halarious and loves to egg her on. Ohh and Maddox is picking up on it now too. When ever she's sitting there or laying on the ground crying, Maddox will come up and hit her and then laugh..or his faveorite is to grab her hair and pull and pull until she's in full blown hysterics. I try to have a little one on one talk with her and tell her 'sorry hunni but that's what he was put her for, he will annoy you for the rest of your life' the poor girl doesn't understand anything about dating or friends and the damage her brothers are going to do to her once she hits that age. She's going to be crying to be about something they've done on the daily. Yesterday Daddy asked her who she was going to marry...thinking she was going to say him, and she said bubba.. And I asked her how many babies she wanted, and she said 'two like you have mommy' and I said, 'oh twins?' and she said, 'ya but girls, both girls' and the convo continued with me asking her why she didn't want boys, and she said we already have enough of them and they drive her crazy...but Mady is a good baby, so she would like two girls! LoL it was a very cute converstation. Anyways, today I about reached my snapping point with them. I was trying to read Mikhail and Makenna the second book in the Spiderwick Cronicles..but they weren't paying attention and it upset me. So I pretty much gave up and went upstairs and layed on my bed and just trying to calm myself down, but all they did was scream and cry and be so loud. I thought my head was going to explode seriously. And I feel bad, because everyone always says what a good mom I am and blah blah..but does a good mom get stressed like that? No. I should be able to handle that and difuse the situation, but I can't. Atleast not in this house. There's only one room the kids can play in. There's no where to seperate them. I can't wait until we are moved and then there's rooms all over the house I can divide them up into and make the house quiet for a change. I feel bad blaming it on the house, because I know it's no one's fault but my own. I got really upset today because I wanted to take the kids to the park at 2 and at 130 it started raining. It's not raining now, but it was a gardening activity and there's no point in going and everything be a muddy mess :( The dissapointment in the weather didn't help my mood much.

I've been throwing my self into getting this house packed and taking care of everything, and I just need to get out of the house this week and get back to doing fun things with the kids. I know everything else will work it's way out like it always does. The house will get packed, the new house will get painted..there's nothing to worry about. I just wish I could convince myself of that. Sometimes it just feels like theres to much going on for my own good. I want to be doing a million things. I love reading, I want to start scrapbooking again, I would love to go to school in the fall, Mikhail's in t ball, Makennas doing dance soon, I want to put them in music classes in the fall, Mady has physical theraphy, we are moving, we have a new puppy...I mean the list goes on and on. There's hardly a minute during the day that I find just for myself. The reading, scrapbooking, school..ya those are the first things to get put on hold always. I just wish I could find that perfect balance to the day. Maybe once we are moved and things are better organized we can settle into a rutine and everything will be just fine. Who knows? But I guess I just needed to blog about it all to get it out of my head. I already feel less stressed out than when I started typing the blog. Mom came and picked up Makenna aka cryer, Mikhail is watching a movie in my bed, the babies are sleeping, tim's playing video games, I'm sitting in the living room with the windows and doors open letting the rain secented breeze blow in through the windows listening to the birds chirpping, the wind rustling and the neighbor mowing his yard..which is all perfectly relaxing. A perfect atmosphere for laying down on a pillow and diving into some Midnight Sun..even though I have to settle for reading it on the comp, and that's probably why it's taking me so long to read.

Anyways, happier blog later..PROMISE :)